Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Harmony and my students


Life is funny. It's hilarious, it plays with you whenever it wants and brings different results. Different- in a way how you perceive them. For instance, a simple and well-known example is: there's a water cup. It's half full. So, you are either upset it's only half of water or contentment with its half-full capacity. So, you choose what cup you see in front of you.
Just recently I was broken down. So many unpleasant (as I thought) things were going to and fro in my life. I had to fight for everything I had had before. It includes so many personal feelings as well. And I used to claim my rights, I used to be so dissatisfied and be just gloomy. Gosh, a few days ago I realized it's not me. Hopefully I'm getting on a right track. I'm getting excited about cold sunrises and warm cups of tea in the mornings, about a familiar melody I hear; about people I'm in touch with, every second I think just about people.


People- is a broad and wonderful notion. Every one of us has his own stewardship of himself and of others. Every one is so unique and still we are all alike each other in a few points. I just wonder and get excited all the time how much we can resemble to each one of us and how much we are different within ourselves.

The time I notice real people- not just human beings who live their daily routine and complain but real ones- in a sense that they are bright and incredible! - I can't pass them. I need to be in touch with them, I need to see their shiny eyes, I need to hear their voice and laughter! This really energizes and supports me a lot in my day-to -day activities. That is why, probably, I love my teaching. I can see TRUE PEOPLE- PEOPLE of PRESENT, PEOPLE of FUTURE but PAST. I can see how students are changing the world around. They teach me not actually realizing it. They have made me so much patient, so much caring and responsible for any action I am taking daily. For instance, we are having winter exams this week. According to International Baccalaureate, Primary Years Programme we are implementing this year, exams are no longer exams in a traditional understanding. It is called summative assessment and one of the assessment activities I have offered to my 4 graders is to do a research on water quality standards and how people measure them. Or have them work on forest topic; today we were walking around school campus and analyzing why we have so many maples, poplars or pines and other conifers but no palms. Or another group researches what types of soil are there, and what types of it are typical, for Kazakhstan in particular. So what do you think I should feel after three 40 minute classes I spent today with them on Natural resources project?

I feel proud. And safe for these open-minded citizens of a vulnerable world tomorrow.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Welcoming back home

Who has recently overcome a personal growth or a failure? How did it feel? What were the reasons and consequences? What are your next steps:to continue the previous life path or to break out of the mould???

It' s difficult to admit, even to yourself, but just recently I have seen a big failure of a shining girl to a numb indifferent person. The scene was unbelievable for my eyes. The emotions I have experienced were terrible. She has changed dramatically and I thought I would never see her coming back. In fact, it could have been so if...

I never liked "If statements" in my life. I was always struggling for something big and interesting in my life. I used to be called "a smiley girl", a person who can always support, at least with a deep warm and careful smile. But somehow things changed in my life. I don't really know what's happening and what was before, but reality has made me be another person. Not here, not responsive, not lively as I was before. A dead person...

A case happened a few days ago with me made me realize I'm not me. I'm not even present in this world. I don't live a life I used to live. "A life" meaning "a wonderful life", "a life" meaning "give-and-take", "a life" meaning "a life devoted to yourself and others", my life... I cried a whole day, I even broke my relationships with a few people, I turned off myself. But as hard times as they can be, they form a new sharp and firm shank.

I'm hopefully looking forward to searching for myself and finding myself. It's a difficult time but I'll manage. I never want to say to myself that if I am afraid to fight for something, I won't do it. Because I dislike "If statements"

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Zebra

Bright summer, slowdown in the beginning of fall, gray fall, excitement before ENERGY, peace and joy at ENERGY, emptiness after Riga, being lost and found... what else am i supposed to go through?