Harmony and my students

Life is funny. It's hilarious, it plays with you whenever it wants and brings different results. Different- in a way how you perceive them. For instance, a simple and well-known example is: there's a water cup. It's half full. So, you are either upset it's only half of water or contentment with its half-full capacity. So, you choose what cup you see in front of you.
Just recently I was broken down. So many unpleasant (as I thought) things were going to and fro in my life. I had to fight for everything I had had before. It includes so many personal feelings as well. And I used to claim my rights, I used to be so dissatisfied and be just gloomy. Gosh, a few days ago I realized it's not me. Hopefully I'm getting on a right track. I'm getting excited about cold sunrises and warm cups of tea in the mornings, about a familiar melody I hear; about people I'm in touch with, every second I think just about people.

People- is a broad and wonderful notion. Every one of us has his own stewardship of himself and of others. Every one is so unique and still we are all alike each other in a few points. I just wonder and get excited all the time how much we can resemble to each one of us and how much we are different within ourselves.

The time I notice real people- not just human beings who live their daily routine and complain but real ones- in a sense that they are bright and incredible! - I can't pass them. I need to be in touch with them, I need to see their shiny eyes, I need to hear their voice and laughter! This really energizes and supports me a lot in my day-to -day activities. That is why, probably, I love my teaching. I can see TRUE PEOPLE- PEOPLE of PRESENT, PEOPLE of FUTURE but PAST. I can see how students are changing the world around. They teach me not actually realizing it. They have made me so much patient, so much caring and responsible for any action I am taking daily. For instance, we are having winter exams this week. According to International Baccalaureate, Primary Years Programme we are implementing this year, exams are no longer exams in a traditional understanding. It is called summative assessment and one of the assessment activities I have offered to my 4 graders is to do a research on water quality standards and how people measure them. Or have them work on forest topic; today we were walking around school campus and analyzing why we have so many maples, poplars or pines and other conifers but no palms. Or another group researches what types of soil are there, and what types of it are typical, for Kazakhstan in particular. So what do you think I should feel after three 40 minute classes I spent today with them on Natural resources project?

I feel proud. And safe for these open-minded citizens of a vulnerable world tomorrow.

Welcoming back home

Who has recently overcome a personal growth or a failure? How did it feel? What were the reasons and consequences? What are your next steps:to continue the previous life path or to break out of the mould???

It' s difficult to admit, even to yourself, but just recently I have seen a big failure of a shining girl to a numb indifferent person. The scene was unbelievable for my eyes. The emotions I have experienced were terrible. She has changed dramatically and I thought I would never see her coming back. In fact, it could have been so if...

I never liked "If statements" in my life. I was always struggling for something big and interesting in my life. I used to be called "a smiley girl", a person who can always support, at least with a deep warm and careful smile. But somehow things changed in my life. I don't really know what's happening and what was before, but reality has made me be another person. Not here, not responsive, not lively as I was before. A dead person...

A case happened a few days ago with me made me realize I'm not me. I'm not even present in this world. I don't live a life I used to live. "A life" meaning "a wonderful life", "a life" meaning "give-and-take", "a life" meaning "a life devoted to yourself and others", my life... I cried a whole day, I even broke my relationships with a few people, I turned off myself. But as hard times as they can be, they form a new sharp and firm shank.

I'm hopefully looking forward to searching for myself and finding myself. It's a difficult time but I'll manage. I never want to say to myself that if I am afraid to fight for something, I won't do it. Because I dislike "If statements"

Zebra

Bright summer, slowdown in the beginning of fall, gray fall, excitement before ENERGY, peace and joy at ENERGY, emptiness after Riga, being lost and found... what else am i supposed to go through?

DLD

Development Leadership Day has recently finished. A day which brought a lot of emotions before, during the project and after.
I was thinking to apply for OCP DLD in June 08. Well , actually I wasn't just thinking to apply. I already saw myself doing it. I was dreaming what it'd look like, what content of it must be, what I want to achieve through it. And if it even sounds ridiculous I was sure I'd be doing it. In other words, I wasn't scared/nervous/shaking before and while OCP elections. =)
Strange feelings. It doesn't happen to me often when I'm 200% confident I'd be doing some job. I was very sure I'd be accepted as an AIESEC member a year ago, I was sure in other activities with my participation. But in other life activitites I'm sometimes not so confident. Better to say, I don't see myself doing this or that. On the contrary, ProMS in Omsk gave me an ambiguous feeling. I knew I wouldn't be taken into a FACI team, but I was licking my lips waiting for the FACI team announcement. Because I knew I'd be there anyway. And now, I had experienced almost the same anticipations and emotions after I heard I am in a cool FACI team at ENERGY 08 in Latvia.

An idea of a FACI at ENERGY came to me in Aug, I guess, when I saw it in myaiesec.net. I was strongly motivated for that but I was in doubt whether I manage it or not. Of course, first answer was "NO!". You wonder why? I say my job, my school. I can't just go to a conference in the middle of the year and leave my students. But Latvia was knocking on my doors everyday and desire had increased so much that I said, "Ok, let's try. Maybe I'd be able to work it out somehow." So I negotiated this question with my Director, ran for it, was nervous because of DLD, was mad because my laptop had broken down in the middle of filling in an application,was fined, lost my sleeping hours, was crazy because I had to study sloths, seahorses, matter and its features, why history and geography matter and how to explain that to 4 graders... Now it all seems funny but 2 1/2 weeks it was a big mess. A big mess with my attitude towards some people in my life and feeling extremely badly for that. It drives me nuts when I behave like I did last month. I'm working on it good enough but Moscow wasn't built in one day, you know. So it of course takes time.
So, about Latvia again. Baltic is coming to my life closer and closer. I'm a buddy for my first Latvian trainee who is an experienced AIESECer as well. Zane is a very nice girl. It's cool having her at home, spending with her dinner hours, waking her up sometimes, listening to her, working with her. I guess I'm having a very unique buddy time. Of course, it's again very personal life chance and interesting time. The first minutes she arrived at Almaty I started to change something within myself. A new look at people, at Almaty life, at people whom I work with. I'm glad Moldir, my old friend, our 3rd person in an apartment =) has found a common language with her. They are talking a lot, sharing different informaiton with each other and stuff. So I'm feeling this international spirit not only at school but at home as well =) I'm taking up some Latvian expressions, she's taking up Kazakh. AIESEC Almaty people are saying I'm lucky having her in my life. I reply "It depends on a person- the better a buddy is, the cooler intern you get" =D

Fall came to Almaty. My favourite season. The only time I love in Almaty is fall. It shows me the beauty of the town, brings me so many positive and tender emotions and ideas, warms me up when it's getting cold in my soul. Besides, autumn used to be my gray time. I am used to be falling into depression very easily in autumn. Last year I experienced totally different time- I was not in a grey time at all. This year on the contrary I am feeling a bit lost. I really want to have some very specific things done in my life but somehow I'm convincing myself I won't be having them for some time. Why??? I can't understnad why. I mean I do understand but I'm under some aprobation time, I think. So let's see if my ideas, beliefs and thoughts will change in the nearest future.

...back in God's hands

Last Summer day '08

Last summer day '08 is a reflection time for some of my friends. They recommend to take a look back and analyze what had hapenned to each one of us, and to the world on the whole.

Definitely, we cannot percept each and every one of us as a single cell in a colourful puzzle. Nor we can allow ourselves to forget what the puzzle is going through every day. Georgia-Russia-the West; Eurasia; China and the Olympics; environmental problems... We can continue naming the problems...But what always bothers me is why so many people all over the globe do not pay attention to these questions.Then an answer comes up immediately to my mind- why should they?

I am very satisfied with my current state of mind, of perception the world around me, with me personally. I have worked quite well this year, but not hard, on calming myself down in stressful situations, on sorting out white 'good' deals from black 'bad'ones and on realizing one(my)self as a part of the world. Of course, these thoughts have appeared not today, not 6 monhts ago, even not a year-two. As far as I remember my school years I have always associated my personality with a stranger in my that current place and had always wanted to find my part somewhere.Presently, it comes oftener to my mind that I'm much more closer to discovering that 'somewhere' place. Of course, it makes me smile as I know what the concequences may be. I guess when these concequences would show up, I'd laugh at me. I tend to know myself better and better ;) Sounds good.

But let me return to my current satisfaction- where are the seeds of this satisfaction coming from? The soil for it comes from a few matters: my family, mama in particular; my workplace, Kazakhstan Iternational School; my own place;my 'kindlyhearted'local committee AIESEC Almaty and its members (not only in Almaty/Kazakhstan);and I guess soon, my kids, or students. This summer had been quite busy in terms of travelling, making friends, satisfying with myself and again, a bit of planning. I can't even remember when I wasn't planning something in my life. And this is one of the most valuable things I care about and probably not ready to let it go easily. Though I know my personal weak sides, I don't even attempt to remove it. But, no worries, solutions will come on time, and I won't push time, atmosphere,etc to become better =)

My school-managing the deadlines and people, managing internationally open-minded students and their parents, getting infectious from internationalism, living a very diverse life within the school- has taught me a lot for the passed year of 2007-08. I have fallen in love with my students from 1st day in Sep.I remember, I was running to school every day, especially the first months, coming 25 mins in advance and sometimes impatiently waiting for my kids to arrive. Later on, the times had changed and I was sometimes overloaded with AIESEC, with Development department at KIS, with my home relationships, with my friends and their constant claims at me due me being very busy and not paying attention to them , and lots of lots of other things.But somehow the 2007-08 had gone through so quickly, so colourfully, so rich in moments, and definitely very effectively. I was talking to my brother today and he asked me how long I am in AIESEC. "This Oct I'll be 10 months AIESEC 'baby' ", I said. "Really? It seems you've been there for about 3 years!" And I had agreed with him. AIESEC has really enriched me in everything. But I would say it's directing me to find my own path. To add more, the AIESEC values correlate with KIS values a lot, and I want to live in this wide circle of diversity.

Mama.My Mama. My real friend among hundreds of other friends. My right hand and my biggest supporter. The first person who teaches and teaches me whenever I say "Mom, I know all of this.I am a mature person. Let me do what I really want". Anyway, I always do what I think is best for me, trying to listen to what my Mother advises. Mama, thank you a lot!!!

My own place. Finally, I am shifting tomorrow to my 'own-rented' apartment, which I am going to share with my old friend ( whom I've known since 2001) and with another AIESECer from Latvia, who is an intern at my school! I am so excited that I'll be living with my old friend, who is aware of wht AIESEC and KIS are, and also knows most of my friends. And that a Latvian intern is an experienced AIESECer, is a Sports and Health Care teacher, with whom we have ( I am sure!) common interests! Is't it sweet??? Besides, I am also aware of what these people are interested in, of their lives and hobbies. And there are plenty things I can get to know very soon.

Finally, I am happy.

And this happYness can be found here:
http://www.ipersonic.com/type/EI.html