Development Leadership Day has recently finished. A day which brought a lot of emotions before, during the project and after.
I was thinking to apply for OCP DLD in June 08. Well , actually I wasn't just thinking to apply. I already saw myself doing it. I was dreaming what it'd look like, what content of it must be, what I want to achieve through it. And if it even sounds ridiculous I was sure I'd be doing it. In other words, I wasn't scared/nervous/shaking before and while OCP elections. =)
Strange feelings. It doesn't happen to me often when I'm 200% confident I'd be doing some job. I was very sure I'd be accepted as an AIESEC member a year ago, I was sure in other activities with my participation. But in other life activitites I'm sometimes not so confident. Better to say, I don't see myself doing this or that. On the contrary, ProMS in Omsk gave me an ambiguous feeling. I knew I wouldn't be taken into a FACI team, but I was licking my lips waiting for the FACI team announcement. Because I knew I'd be there anyway. And now, I had experienced almost the same anticipations and emotions after I heard I am in a cool FACI team at ENERGY 08 in Latvia.
An idea of a FACI at ENERGY came to me in Aug, I guess, when I saw it in myaiesec.net. I was strongly motivated for that but I was in doubt whether I manage it or not. Of course, first answer was "NO!". You wonder why? I say my job, my school. I can't just go to a conference in the middle of the year and leave my students. But Latvia was knocking on my doors everyday and desire had increased so much that I said, "Ok, let's try. Maybe I'd be able to work it out somehow." So I negotiated this question with my Director, ran for it, was nervous because of DLD, was mad because my laptop had broken down in the middle of filling in an application,was fined, lost my sleeping hours, was crazy because I had to study sloths, seahorses, matter and its features, why history and geography matter and how to explain that to 4 graders... Now it all seems funny but 2 1/2 weeks it was a big mess. A big mess with my attitude towards some people in my life and feeling extremely badly for that. It drives me nuts when I behave like I did last month. I'm working on it good enough but Moscow wasn't built in one day, you know. So it of course takes time.
So, about Latvia again. Baltic is coming to my life closer and closer. I'm a buddy for my first Latvian trainee who is an experienced AIESECer as well. Zane is a very nice girl. It's cool having her at home, spending with her dinner hours, waking her up sometimes, listening to her, working with her. I guess I'm having a very unique buddy time. Of course, it's again very personal life chance and interesting time. The first minutes she arrived at Almaty I started to change something within myself. A new look at people, at Almaty life, at people whom I work with. I'm glad Moldir, my old friend, our 3rd person in an apartment =) has found a common language with her. They are talking a lot, sharing different informaiton with each other and stuff. So I'm feeling this international spirit not only at school but at home as well =) I'm taking up some Latvian expressions, she's taking up Kazakh. AIESEC Almaty people are saying I'm lucky having her in my life. I reply "It depends on a person- the better a buddy is, the cooler intern you get" =D
Fall came to Almaty. My favourite season. The only time I love in Almaty is fall. It shows me the beauty of the town, brings me so many positive and tender emotions and ideas, warms me up when it's getting cold in my soul. Besides, autumn used to be my gray time. I am used to be falling into depression very easily in autumn. Last year I experienced totally different time- I was not in a grey time at all. This year on the contrary I am feeling a bit lost. I really want to have some very specific things done in my life but somehow I'm convincing myself I won't be having them for some time. Why??? I can't understnad why. I mean I do understand but I'm under some aprobation time, I think. So let's see if my ideas, beliefs and thoughts will change in the nearest future.
...back in God's hands
