I, Me and Myself

I am happy

I am in love with life

I am Me. Truly Me. Not you, not him, not her, not it. I am Me.

It's 2pm, and I am still in my bed, reading and listening to my favourite music, missing some people whom I have met recently, recapping last events in my life, and feeling happy. So many emotions simultaneously- well, it is a good sign since it shows my brain can function despite of sleepless nights and stress I was encountering every day for the last 4-6 months :) And I am still being happy.

Last weekend I had one of the most significant processes in the year 2009-10 in my organisation, in AIESEC. These are National Conference (NatCo) of AIESEC in Latvia, an intense learning experience; application processes for AIESEC International 2010-2011; upgrading myself and enriching my inner world at a good pace. And here I am to tell you what it has been.

* NatCo 2010 Momentum in AIESEC in Latvia

When I joined AIESEC in 2007 in my home Local Committee (LC) Almaty, Kazakhstan I was excited to hear and participate in all learning activities my LC was organising. Thanks to a complete devotion to an amazing work my Exectuive Board 2007-08 was doing, its members today have achieved incredible results. Lots of people went on internships to different parts of the world, many others took different leadership roles and developed themselves as well as others; but the sweetiest thing is that we are still in touch with each other. And in Jan 2008 I had my first NatCo in AIESEC Kazakhstan- the youngest country with a vast potential and great willingness to aim high. At that NatCo I was awarded as "Our Future"- I was a member of an LC Outgoing Exchanges team and a member of a National Project. I still remember what I thought that day when I received this award- why I was nominated as "Our Future"??? Unfortunately, I could not attend the Official Dinner and Awards as I was attending an Annual Report from American Chamber of Trade and Commerce (ACTC) in Kazakhstan, and I still remember how my mind was directed to 2 major moments: to the Annual Report and thinking how my school I worked for could build beneficial relationships with the ACTC, and what was happening at 1st NatCo in AIESEC Kazakhsta. At my 2nd NatCo in Kazakhstan I was awarded as the Best AIESECer in Kazakhstan due to my decision to dedicate fully myself to AIESEC, and leave my teaching field for some time. Probably, there were some other reasons, but what happened is that I left my school, and I am fully into AIESEC. And I do not regret. As I am planning to be back to teaching some other day. Now my 3rd NatCo happened in another country, in Latvia. And it was another experience. Experience that taught me a couple of things that I will implement further on. Experience that connected me with a few interesting persons. Experience that proved to me how people are silly and sometimes clever. Experience that took out from me an average amount of energy which is sad at some point as I thought I'd be completely out of inner drive. Why? Because I truly believed before that any conference is a tiny space in terms of time to give and take enormous energy.

NatCo Momentum team was very very good, especially our Chair Igors D., AIESEC Latvia Alumnus. A great THANK YOU to you, Igors- you know what for! A great THANK YOU to Lasma, AIESEC Latvia and UAE Alumnus, you know what for! Huge THANK YOU to all Alumni who could attend NatCo, and who could not! Big THANK YOU to our Live Performance, to 2 singers that transformed us, participants during the Official Dinner to the best places we could dream about, and we wished to be. Big THANK YOU to the delegates- young AIESECers in Latvia who generated ideas around key issues Latvia is in need of now. Big THANK YOU to my MC team who were there when I needed them, and who left me when it was necessary. Big THANK YOU to my family who support me in any decision- after all, decisions are mine, and only I will carry out them.

NatCo Momentum highlighted a few serious points for me

• People have fears. People are not born with fears- they themselves gain them from the very beginning just because it is easier to live like that. A child says he can't sleep alone because he is afraid of darkness. All he needs is parents' attention, and he is afraid he is not loved by mom and dad. Darkness is just a cause to give. By the time we grow up, "darkness" modifies to lots of other reasons, and just raises the Fear level. And it is sad to notice it- sad because we, people, will find hundreds of reasons to say "No" to opportunities we are given just because we are afraid. Afraid of changes, afraid of unknown possibilities, afraid to take up new responsibilities.


• People are lazy. Among all sins I have known or seen, lazyness is the greatest of all. I could not understand my mother when she was telling me that lazyness was born before me. I was small, and I thought I could skip these house duties because my brother could do, or because I am the youngest in my family, so no matter what I would be foregiven. Yes, it is a simple example but it is one of the ways how lazyness develops into a habit. Moreover, it is sad to note that lazyness has a great effect to influence serious decisions in life. Decisions that could benefit nations in the world, or could change one person's life tremendously.


• People are stupid. Sorry for my language, and it does not refer to some personalities. It is a general observation. When I heard it first time a few months ago from one friend of mine, I laughed. I said, Then according to this statement you are (or should be) stupid. I could not believe to this statement. But now I do. And yes, I can say the same for myself.


• People are weak. Weak in themselves- mentally or physically. People are weak because it is again easier to live like this and ask for help rather than try yourself to solve your problems. We can find unique examples in the world when people got out of their comfort zones, and broke the stereotypes they built themselves, and became strong. To my big disappointment, these examples are very few to the current 6bn + world population.


• People are people. Unfortunately, we cannot refer ourselves to another civilization to strengthen our features and to get rid of our weaknesses and sins.

  This is how I feel now

Never say never to yourself

It’s been 4 months already of my legal preparations in moving to Latvia. 120 days of happiness, of nerves and stress, of tears and fears, of worries and sleepless nights, of praying and believing… 2880 hours of preparing all the documents and waiting for them to arrive from different places like Ministers of Justice, of Health care, of Education and Science, etc. 172 800 minutes of moving from Almaty to Astana, from Astana to Ust Kamenogorsk, and I hope finally moving from Ust to Astana, and then to Moscow and to Riga. 2 spring months and 2 summer month of spending with lots of people that were meant to be in my life in different times- my family, my school mates and my close group mates, my best room mates from University years and my past colleagues, my present school colleagues and my Leader friends, my AIESEC Kaz friends and other international AIESEC friends, my directors in the past and present, my children and just random people. All these people were meant to be my friends as we have found something common in us, and we have learnt some invaluable things in life.
I now pray for God’s help and soon positive solution of my situation of being here in Kaz to moving to AIESEC Latvia, and actually starting officially my MC term.

Still, during these 3 moths I have learnt some things I will carry out through all my life.
· Be confident. When you are confident, everyone sees it. It shines in your eyes, it is visible in your step, and it makes you achieve little things that will bring big change.
· Be informative. Manage your resources to be up-to-dated, and control the situation for your own good.
· Be knowledgeable. Read interesting books, autobiographies, watch news, analytical programs to enrich yourself.
· Be in touch. People you have attached yourself to once care for you, and need to know how your life goes on. Don’t close your doors for them.
· Be emotional. Laugh when you want to laugh, cry when you want to cry, think when you need to think, jump when you feel it!
· Be positive. Create your positive way of life, come back to your good moments in life, look through the pictures, send a message to your friends.
· Be alive! Life is life and it likes active people, not their shadows.
· Believe. “Believe in what you do. Do what you believe in”
· Smile. The best remedy is your smile. You think you have no reason to smile? You are deadly wrong!!!
· Have fun! Life is too short to waste it for the worst.
I am creating my own life path. Yes, it’s not only me. My parents and brother help me a lot in designing my own life. My closest friends and people whom I value a lot are the best lifelong teachers and role models for me. I feel I am changing my attitudes towards many things and people in interesting ways. I feel life. Sometimes I forget its stream; sometimes I think I don’t have it at all. But a few years ago one of the closest people that time said to me, “Life is beautiful!” And since that time I every time repeat his words: Life is beautiful!
Viva la Vida!

P.S. I was writing it when it was still unclear about my presence in Latvia. For some reasons I was not posting it for a bit of time. Fortunately, everything was solved out, and I can only smile back and be reassured once again: When you want something in your life so much desperately- just go and do it! Fight for it but make it happen!